Bar Etiquette 101

I tend to write these silly "etiquette" posts following a really poor experience with someone who probably just didn't know better, and I know they sometimes come off as a rant (my Tattoo Etiquette one sure did!), but I genuinely mean well with them! I've worked as a bartender for over 5 and a half years now and I've seen the likes of everything you could imagine. I've been tipped $100 on a $2 beer (on purpose!), and I've been almost physically assaulted by a middle aged man (and woman. and a few people my age.) I've seen people be shocked with a tazer gun, jumped, arrested, etc. And I've seen plenty of people just have a wonderful time. Bars can be a great place to socialize and let your hair down a little. My bar is a karaoke bar and the clientele is a little different from who I'd normally spend my Friday and Saturday nights with, and as much as I may "hate" my job from time to time, I also find myself having a lot of fun there! If you've worked in the food or beverage industry then you probably know exactly what I mean. It can be great money, or it can be awful. It can be awesome to come in contact with so many people during one shift, or it can be excruciating. 

I made an offhanded comment on Twitter a few weeks ago about writing a bar etiquette post and I had so many people say that they'd love to read it. Honestly I'm biased and I tend to be a bit cynical about it, but I promise I'm a fun bartender! I'm no master bar manager or anything, but here is what I've learned in my 5+ years:

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TIP! In the US, it'd very likely that your bartender or server is only making roughly $2 an hour and she relies heavily on tips. I can't stress this enough. I always tipped appropriately when I went places, but after starting to bartend I realized just how tough it could be to do that job daily, so I always tend to over-tip if the service is really good. And I'm going to be perfectly honest here: If you're at my bar and I know you don't tip, I'm going to overlook you and serve the person who does tip before because this girl has bills to pay. I've had people chime in before to say "But tipping is optional!" It's not optional when your server makes $2 an hour. It's not optional when I could work 40 hours a week and still not clear $100. Nope, not optional. I've also had people say they couldn't afford to tip. Wha?! You're in a bar... where the beer is marked up 300%, and the liquor 700%! I realize everyone wants to have a good time but how about you head to the convenience store and then take the party to your house! Start playing babysitter to a bunch of drunk people and then ask yourself if you deserve some payment. 

The amount of the tip will vary. It's polite to always tip 15% in the food service industry and a standard tip in a bar is simply your change if you were to get a $2.50 beer and have 50 cents left over. If you get multiple drinks, a standard tip would be 50 cents per beer and 50 cents to $1 for each cocktail. That's such wishful thinking though! If that were to happen just one night a month then I wouldn't have to work again for 3 weeks! There have definitely been nights where I don't make enough in tips to even cover my gas to get there (hence why I've been working less and less at the bar lately. No sense driving that far!) Don't let the math or anything get in the way. I'm happy to even get 25 cents on certain orders because anything is better than nothing. It's really hard to work in an industry where you rely solely on the generosity of other people. It's not fun to think about! Some people assume all servers and bartenders make bank so they don't need to tip them, but that's not true. One night could be absolutely amazing and then the next 4 or 5 could be horrible. Just keep in mind that they're working hard for your money, too!

Being nice to your bartender/server goes a long way! I have some customers that I've known for all of the 5+ years I've been at my bar and they've never once tipped me so much as a nickel. But here's the kicker: They're so nice. Granted I'd rather pay my bills than just have a lot of nice people at my bar, but I actually enjoy serving them. They make it seem a little less like work. They're polite. They don't jump line. They don't holler or bang their glasses on the bar. I like those people. If you can't afford to tip (then get the heck out of the bar!), at least be one of those nice people!

Do not, under any circumstance, grab/touch a bartender or server. Ever. Do not ever put your hands on me. I've had everything from someone moving my cardigan from my chest so he could read my tattoo (!!!), to a girl coming back behind the bar to pull my hair to "see if it was real". I can't even begin to tell you the rage that ensued. I've had patrons grab my arm and pull me over to the bar when I was trying to walk away simply so they could tell me what they wanted to drink (and it wasn't their order). I've only thrown 2 drinks at customers in my 5 years and believe me, grabbing me will put you on the fast track.

Don't be one of those guys. And what I mean by those guys is the guy who: tries to cut line at the bar (is this 2nd grade?!), the guy who bangs his beer bottle or glass on the bar to get the bartenders attention (we're ignoring you!), the guy who yells "Hey I need a Bud Light!" from the other end of the bar when you're nowhere near him (still ignoring you!). No one likes those guys. I have one or two customers who do this every single time they're in my bar and it finally came down to me just having to say "NO. It is not your turn, you are being rude, and every time you yell at me I make a conscious decision to ignore you for 5 more minutes. Pick your battle!" Usually they'll realize they're being a douche and they'll apologize and wait their turn. Until the next time. 

Bars are like oversized daycares. There are people who just want their sippy cup. There are people who just want to cry and tell everyone what's wrong. There are people who want to be the bully of the playground, etc. The difference is that adults have reasoning capability, and all of that goes out the window after they've been drinking. On a typical Saturday night I play babysitter to 200 drunk overgrown toddlers. You can probably understand why my patience is at an all-time low when I'm working! ;)

Don't be afraid to ask for drink recommendations. Bartenders love to suggest their favorite drinks to other customers (Hence my Cocktail Hour feature!). Don't ask us to name every beer or every mixed drink we have though. We couldn't do that if we tried. (Beer, maybe. Drinks, never). If you're unsure of what you would like, tell the bartender your favorite liquor(s) and if you specifically dislike anything. If you say you want a fruity mixed drink, it's highly likely your bartender will give you a Sex on the Beach. I never suggest that one because it's so overdone! She won't think you're a jerk for saying "I like vodka and peach schnapps but I don't want a Sex on the Beach!" She'll probably be happy that you know that much! 

Don't be pregnant and chain smoking/downing whiskey and cokes in my bar. It's illegal in the state of Tennessee for me to refuse service to a pregnant woman in a bar on the basis that she is with child. That does not stop me. I will never knowingly serve a pregnant woman alcohol. I don't care what the law says, I don't care what her reaction is, I won't do it. Granted I don't say "Um no, you're pregnant. Are you dumb?!?!" (Even though that's exactly what I want to say!). I simply walk away, ignore them or say "I would rather not serve you right now." And if they ask why, I just say "Because I don't want to". Luckily I can do that at my job without getting fired! haha The other bartender/manager knows how I feel about the issue and it's completely against my morals to serve someone. I've had a woman come in and down 6 whiskey and cokes in an hour and a half and she was 7 months pregnant. No thanks. That's on you.

If you start fights, you'll probably be barred. Fights make me so nervous at my bar because us two bartenders/manager are female. We're capable of holding our own and we've both jumped over the bar at times, but we don't get taken as seriously as a big burly bouncer. Luckily we have one of those! If you start crap with anyone, you're out. If you start crap with one of us, you're out for life. Pick your battles wisely! 

Don't tick off your bartender. This kind of goes along with "Don't tick off your waiter" at a restaurant. I'm handling your alcohol. I'm not saying I'm going to go spit in it, but it may make it to your shirt before it makes it to your mouth. ;) I'm kidding, sort of.

Don't ask me to "hook it up", "make it good", "make it stout", or any other variation of "Pour more alcohol in there!" unless you want to pay for a double. This blows my mind. This is a bar, not a soup kitchen. If you want more alcohol, you pay for more alcohol. I get this every night I work. My response is always the same (very politely!): "Do you want a double? That'll be $9" then undoubtedly they all respond "What? $9? That's insane! No I don't want to pay $9! Can't you just hook it up?" "In case you missed the sign on the door, we're a bar. Not a soup kitchen. If you want extra liquor, you pay for extra liquor. If you want less mixer, that's fine, but that's less drink." Usually the ones that argue with you are the ones who aren't going to tip you anyway so you don't really have much to worry about there!

Be responsible enough to know when to cut yourself off. Nothing makes me appreciate a customer more than when he knows enough is enough. He'll come tell us bartenders and the waitress. No more for him. None for him if he orders them, and none for him if anyone else does. I like that. When you've got 200 people in a bar and only 2 bartenders, it can get hard to keep up with the drinks everyone has had. If you start looking sleepy or show any signs of being too drunk, you're done. You're cut off for the rest of the night. We have to protect ourselves and you.

Make eye contact with your bartender. Speak to her face. Put the money in her hand. This makes me rage so hard! I get so many dismissive customers who just waltz up, look around and sort of speak in a general direction all the while I'm standing not two feet away, looking directly at their face, waiting on their order. Girls do this a lot (not to generalize, but it's true!). They'll come up with their boyfriend and I'll ask what she'd like and she won't tell me, but she'll tell her boyfriend who will then have to tell me. Order for yourself! What is this, 1900?!? And of course when people go to pay you for their beers and they just throw the money onto the bar maybe in your direction, but probably not. I'm not playing fetch for your cash/coins. If you throw your money at me, that's how I give you your change.

Don't drive home drunk! I've called the cops on my own customers before. If you get in your car and you show any signs of intoxication and I happen to see it, I don't hesitate to call the police. 1) You shouldn't be driving. 2) You could hit me, or any other innocent driver. 3) If you hurt someone and you've just left my bar, I can be liable. So don't think that other bartenders won't rat you out just as quickly. It's all about staying safe and staying alive. Don't be afraid to ask the bartender for a cab! 

Go out with friends to bars to have a good time. Don't go when you're mopey or depressed. Not only does alcohol metabolize differently in your stomach when you're all worked up/stressed out, but it sets the mood for everyone around you. Drinking won't solve anything or make it better. Don't do it for the wrong reasons!

Don't be afraid to go out to bars and order a coke or water. If you don't drink, that's totally cool! No one minds. I was a bartender for several years and I didn't drink alcohol at all. I have plenty of customers who don't drink. No one will think less of you!

Don't get irritated at the waitress if she takes a little bit of extra time to get you your order. She's busy. She has dozens of people to account for. If you want quicker service, get off of your butt and go to the bar yourself. Don't be lazy.

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I know these are so generalized and totally saturated with sarcasm, bitterness, and the like, but half a decade of bartending will do that to ya! (The other bartender has been there 11 years! And she works 40-50 hours a week there! I work 10 and I want to pull my hair out!) I think the situation has made it so that I'm a lot less likely to be the "nice one" and I'm the one who just calls it like I see it. I'm not as tied to that bar as she is so I tend to get away with a little bit more. These are just things I've noticed from MY bar. Obviously not all bars are equal! You may bartend at the coolest bar ever and it may be all fun and games. In that case, give me your job! ;) haha So there you have it. My bitter Bar Etiquette post that I promised a few weeks ago! 

Have you ever worked as a bartender/server/waitress? Got any fun/horror stories? What's the craziest thing you've ever seen in a bar (even as a bar patron)?

Edit: Please note that this was written with American customs in mind! I know it's not standard to tip in Europe (and I had the hardest time while there!), and various other parts of the world. But in the US, it is and I've never worked anywhere other than America so this is based solely on my experience here! Not worldwide. Though rude customers aren't limited to just the USA!