I'm Being Real

i recently had a conversation with someone in my life that i am having a hard time with right now. i was sharing my feelings on a certain issue and he told me

"don't feel that way. please. it's not good."

i told him that i missed him and that i felt left out for the holidays and that i wished i was with him and his family for that is what has been my norm for the last 2 years. he is 4 hours away for thanksgiving and i am staying here. by myself.

we had problems with me being able to share my feelings in our relationship. he would always pry them out of me because sometimes i didn't know the best way to say them or i would feel silly expressing myself.

so i go to therapy and i am learning how to express my feelings in an appropriate manner. i was feeling left out. and sad. and that i was missing him, and decided that i would share that with him. i felt that i was being real with him. telling him how i feel. and he tells me not to feel that way. i still don't know how to react to that or what to think. all i know is that is not the response i was hoping for.

but i found this image. and it has made me feel so much better. something so little, but so true - 

" never apologize for saying what you feel. that's like saying 'sorry, for being real'. " 

Nashville Flood 2010

Today we went back to Franklin with the Jeep and trailer so that we could potentially salvage some of our belongings. Mike's dad accompanied us. The water in the house, at it's height, was up to my shoulders. Luckily it had receded to about my stomach by the time we arrived. It went down another 6-8 inches in these pictures right before we left. I was able to get some clothes from my closet, a few books and movies. We also got the dishes.

However, everything we had just bought 1 day or 2 prior to the flood, was gone. Including all of our new bedding. We lost all 4 beds in the house, most likely our brand new couch, my Wacom tablet, some Apple stuff, and this and that. I think what hurt me the most was the dresser and mirror in our bedroom that my mother had bought me for moving out of the house. It had collapsed in our bedroom and was fully submerged. Our bedroom was the worst of everyones. Barely anything could be taken from it.

Elle's dad brought his boat from Murfreesboro and we were able to hand things out the window and he brought them to the Jeep. (Yes, the water was still that high.)

Our shed tipped over and our bikes were all inside. It hurts a lot to know we lost those, too. Mike and I worked on that sweet yellow bike for a while. It's just hard to see your life reduced down to a small pile of things.

Granted, I KNOW they're only materialistic things. I know they can be replaced. And believe me, we're counting our lucky stars that we're alive and well, and we have a cozy roof over our head and fresh meals being prepared by my wonderful parents. But it's so so so hard, still.

I bawled like a baby on the front porch before even going in. And tonight after we had returned to Hohenwald, I was crying in the yard as we were unloading things while someone campaigning came up. He said we should just be grateful that we're okay... and we are. SO grateful. But hearing that fifteen hundred times a day from people who haven't experienced it doesn't settle our spirits. I'm in no way trying to be selfish... it's just that we have lost EVERYTHING. Like so many people in our town and Nashville. and it's just unfathomable to think about where to start.

However, I remain 100% confident that we WILL get through this. We are ready to start a fresh, new life. We are ready to make this merely a memory. We're trying to not dwell on disaster.

There are more photos at my FLICKR. Click HERE to see the set. We're going to try to go back tomorrow if the water has gone down and I'll have more photos then, too.

Please continue to pray for our neighbors. It's such a scary thing to experience.

All of your emails have been what has gotten me through the days. You're all so so so incredibly sweet and I'm so humbled by all of this. You guys are keeping me strong.

I've been asked about penpals and things of that nature... my PO Box is fully intact... I think.. But I won't be able to check it for days/weeks at a time. I will be permanently residing at my parents' house until NYC so if you'd like to be penpals or anything, just send them to:

Kaelah Bee

649 Thomas Avenue

Hohenwald, TN 38462

USA

Thank you all again. So much. This hasn't been easy but you're making it so much more bearable.

xoxo

Keep Calm, Don't Panic

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't *this* close to throwing myself over the edge right about now... After a nice, relaxing day/evening with Mike, a fun date night, and a great movie, I come home to find a dead computer. Oh, but not just dead.. no, of course not. I mean a computer that literally ceases to exist. My poor Francois has found himself ill. He refuses to boot up, even after all the troubleshooting we could find. He tries with all his might, and then just falls short.

After a frantic email to my professor, I promised myself I'd calm down and just... make do. Unfortuantely for me, I have a rather important project due at 11am. Yeah... Oh, did I mention, um... I don't think I've ever backed up my computer on my external. I KNOW I KNOW! That is definitely ALL my fault... however, this little computer glitch, not so much. Sadly if it proves to be fatal, I will be out FOUR YEARS of work. FOUR YEARS! FOUR YEARS OF GRAPHIC DESIGN, GONE! Oh my stars. I cannot even begin to fathom what I will do.

BUT! I must not trouble my little head just yet. Maybe things will be ~okay. Maybe they will work out. At least I have AppleCare. I'm devastated at the thought of losing 2 years worth of music, 2 years worth of photos, 2 years worth of so many great things... but I cannot even begin to wrap my mind around FOUR YEARS OF HARD WORK! My entire education. Merely months before graduation. And the fact there are only 2 and a half weeks left of this semester. Eep!

Anyway, whatever. I won't worry about it now. I'll be at the Apple store bright and early in the morning!

DON'T PANIC!

phew. okay. okay. okay.

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Yesterday Mike, Toby and I ventured down to my parents' house. We visited and talked and they went to get my old CozyCoupe from when I was a year old. This car is 21 years old. Mind boggling! Toby loved it! It was a bit ratty but he had so much fun. You can see pictures at MIKE'S BLOG. (I don't feel like loading them up on his tiny little 13" Macbook... I'm bitter at the moment. haha 13" does not compare to 17" :( :( :( ). We had such a blast and I was able to show my Nana my new tattoo for her. I think she almost cried. She hates tattoos but I think she finally found the meaning behind it and I told her my other leg was for Papa. I hope it really touched her. She means so incredibly much to me and I couldn't think of a better way to show it.

After coming home, we cooked a yummy dinner of veggie stirfry (the usual) and played with Toby for a bit. His mom came to pick him up at about 10:30pm and we settled in for The Office and Men Who Stare At Goats. I fell asleep at the end and we were dying in the heat so Mike ran to Walmart and got an oscillating fan haha

We woke up this morning, ran errands, he took me to Print class and then we were off for the day. We grabbed lunch at Genghis Grill (mongolian stirfry... so predictable!) and went to the mall and such. We went ring shopping (just for fun) and we caught the 8pm showing of Date Night (surprisingly hilarious!). I came home to find my computer and thus the mood funk starts.

I have tons of pictures to show you all... provided I have a functioning computer of my own here shortly. It only helps matters that my iPhone has been way less than cooperative lately and we went to check on a new 3Gs today. Bad things happen in sets of 3 maybe?

Just keep your fingers crossed for me and if all goes well I WILL have you a mixtape for download this week! I hope I didn't lose all of my music. kDJfal;djf;sa GAHHH!

Anyway, you all are the best and I promise you wonderful things shortly!

ps: Jamie C. sent me the MOST FANTASTIC shark keychain and letter in the mail today! It was such a delight to open it and Mr. Shark has found a new home on my keychain! I have a photo and all that jazz that I'll post soon! Thanks Jamie! Eep! You're awesome! Expect a package soon!

xo

no real update today, guys!

so sorry, but my beau Mike is still out with the sickies. 99% positive its the flu. he's shaky and freezing one minute, then sweating like whoa the next. i've got him in bed with chamomile tea, nyquil, 2 heating blankets and a down comforter so he can sweat it out.

sadly if someone within a 5 mile radius of me is sick i'm always the next to catch it. i hope this isn't the case! trying to take preventative measures and i'm stocking up on vitamin c tomorrow! i'd much rather catch a case of it and him be here so i can take care of him [and vice versa] than to send him home by his lonesome to work it out.

lots to blog about but i just wanted to say happy tuesday [and happy wednesday!] and i'il be sure to return to you lovelies tomorrow. right now, girlfriend duty calls!

please send him all your well wishes if you have twitter [silly little get well tweets really make his day]! feel free to follow him by clicking HERE!