You Know the Feeling...

love ♥

i hope that everyone is feeling loved. i know that i certainly am!

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Just Talking

i had a really good conversation with my significant other yesterday. we went out for lunch and just got on the topic of 'us'. we talked for a long time. i mean like 4-5 hours of talking. and spending time together and touching on important issues that we never really discussed before. we both feel really good about it. it was refreshing  ♥

we are both on the same page now and things are looking up. 

even through the rain.

I'm Being Real

i recently had a conversation with someone in my life that i am having a hard time with right now. i was sharing my feelings on a certain issue and he told me

"don't feel that way. please. it's not good."

i told him that i missed him and that i felt left out for the holidays and that i wished i was with him and his family for that is what has been my norm for the last 2 years. he is 4 hours away for thanksgiving and i am staying here. by myself.

we had problems with me being able to share my feelings in our relationship. he would always pry them out of me because sometimes i didn't know the best way to say them or i would feel silly expressing myself.

so i go to therapy and i am learning how to express my feelings in an appropriate manner. i was feeling left out. and sad. and that i was missing him, and decided that i would share that with him. i felt that i was being real with him. telling him how i feel. and he tells me not to feel that way. i still don't know how to react to that or what to think. all i know is that is not the response i was hoping for.

but i found this image. and it has made me feel so much better. something so little, but so true - 

" never apologize for saying what you feel. that's like saying 'sorry, for being real'. " 

doesn't it feel good to just admit that you were wrong and apologize? and hope that the person you hurt will forgive you?

recently i have taken a step back and realized that i have done some things that weren't right. i have done some things that have hurt the people that i love most. i have done some things that i wish that i could take back. and the best way to forgive myself is to say 'sorry'. not a 'sorry i hope you can get over it', but more of a deep down, i'm sorry for hurting you and i promise to never act that way again.

the past few weeks have been really good for me to realize the problems that i have with myself and the things that i need to fix as a person. things that will better me in the future. make ME better for any situation, any friendship, any relationship.

♥

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Wednesday - Each Day Gets Easier

Missing You

Have you ever been on an emotional roller coaster that seems to only go faster and faster with more bumps and harder turns?

Have you ever been so frustrated to the point that tears start rolling down your cheeks for hours on end?

Have you ever gone to bed alone after having someone who's always there?

Have you ever felt helpless?

Have you ever sat and replayed in your mind as much of the past that you had together to see where it all went wrong?

Have you ever crawled into bed wearing his tshirt and shorts just so you can smell his scent enough to help you fall asleep?

Have you ever begged for someone to forgive you?

Have you ever gone out with friends to forget the pain and sit the whole night thinking of him?

Have you ever missed someone a little, I guess you could say, a little too much, a little too often, and a little more each day?

Have you ever seen the girl in the mirror crying but knowing you can say anything to make her feel all right without him?

Have you ever wanted to hold onto something so badly that you'd change everything you are and everything you had to make it work?


I have.

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sorry for my lack of posts yesterday. it's been a rough week. ♥

It's Me

i found this picture the other day. this was when marcos and i first started dating. we had a photo shoot in his house. ha. you can see my phone and charger on the window seal. cuuuuuuute. ♥

just remembering the old days.

Marcos

He's doing well! He is just at home now, because of his O2 levels. He will be back to work in no time. Tomorrow he has a quick appointment with the doctor and then we'll see if he can come off of those annoying machines.

He handled the surgery really well. He is a strong guy. I took care of him all week and it was really fun being able to take care of the man that I love. I felt bad for him, of course, but it was a nice change.

On a bad side note, one of our little fostered kittens passed late Friday night. I got home from work and 3 of them were just laying on our bed with the mama cat. I started looking for Pickles [that was the name] cause she was my very favorite kitten! ♥ I turned around and she was just laying on the floor. She looked dead. I didn't want to touch her so I just nudged her a bit to see if she would move. She looked up and just started crying. I picked her up and she weighed nearly nothing. I ran to the pet store to get her some food. She hadn't been eating. I got her a kitten bottle and some formula. I fed that to her dilligently for about an hour. A few hours later, she died in Marcos' hands. It was the saddest thing. I have never had a kitten before, much less a dead one. We didn't know what to do with the little body. We kept her there for just a few more minute making sure that she didn't wake up at all. We then went out back and dug her a cute little Pickles grave and burried her. It still makes me sad. I feel really bad for her. I try not to think about it, but the mama cat, Mobli, just wanders the house. She calls for her little kittens and only 3 run to her. She will sit there for the longest time just crying for Pickles to come around the corner. It's so sad.

But on a good note, Marcos is alive. And doing well. He's so cute. He sent me flowers today. He wrote on the little card:

Hello Booty Booty!
I love you very much for taking excellent care of me for the past week. I know its been rough, but thank you!! I love you so much!

Love,
Marcos

How adorable is that? Am I right? Yes! I am.

I love him. He is mine.

Forever and for always.

xoxo

Surgery Day

Marcos is in surgery. He will be going under in about 20 minutes or so. It's pretty scary, but hes strong. He'll be just fine.

I am trying to think of things to do to keep my mind off of the fact that he is going to be sliced. Ricky, Ashley, Tanzy and Ben are doing a pretty good job keeping me sane, but I'm still a little nervous.

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥