Showing posts with label advice. Show all posts
Showing posts with label advice. Show all posts

Thursday, 15 July 2010

How To Deal with (and Thrive from!) Your Haters!

Okay, so I stumbled upon this amazing link via Gala Darling and I just found myself nodding my head with every single point made. I instantly knew I had to share this. I apologize for the blatant repost but all credit is given where credit is due and I think everyone should read this (especially if you are a blogger yourself!) Tim Ferriss educates us on how to deal with, learn from, and thrive via the haterade thrown your way from online anons and such! (source). The following excerpt is a direct reblog of a Mashable article. Please note that I was in no way involved with this interview.



Dealing with negativity online can be tough, which was why we were all ears when Tim Ferriss, author of The Four Hour Work Week, took the stage at The Next Web ‘10 event in Amsterdam to discuss how to learn to love haters.
While Mashable recently offered you advice on how to deal with negative feedback specifically in the social media realm, Ferriss takes the concept a step further with advice on how to contend with — and benefit from — criticism across all platforms.
We caught up with Ferriss backstage at the event to find out more about his seven principles for dealing with haters.
Read on for some interesting ideas and let us know which work for you — as well as your own strategies — in the comments below.

1. It doesn’t matter how many people don’t get it. What matters is how many people do.
“It’s critical in social media, as in life, to have a clear objective and not to lose sight of that,” Ferriss says. He argues that if your objective is to do the greatest good for the greatest number of people or to change the world in some small way (be it through a product or service), you only need to pick your first 1,000 fans — and carefully. “As long as you’re accomplishing your objectives, that 1,000 will lead to a cascading effect,” Ferriss explains. “The 10 million that don’t get it don’t matter.”

2. 10% of people will find a way to take anything personally. Expect it.
“People are least productive in reactive mode,” Ferriss states, before explaining that if you are expecting resistance and attackers, you can choose your response in advance, as opposed to reacting inappropriately. This, Ferriss says, will only multiply the problem. “Online I see people committing ’social media suicide’ all the time by one of two ways. Firstly by responding to all criticism, meaning you’re never going to find time to complete important milestones of your own, and by responding to things that don’t warrant a response.” This, says Ferriss, lends more credibility by driving traffic.

3. “Trying to get everyone to like you is a sign of mediocrity.” (Colin Powell)
“If you treat everyone the same and respond to everyone by apologizing or agreeing, you’re not going to be recognizing the best performers, and you’re not going to be improving the worst performers,” Ferriss says. “That guarantees you’ll get more behavior you don’t want and less you do.” That doesn’t mean never respond, Ferriss goes on to say, but be “tactical and strategic” when you do.

4. “If you are really effective at what you do, 95% of the things said about you will be negative.” (Scott Boras)
“This principle goes hand-in-hand with number two,” Ferriss says. “I actually keep this quote in my wallet because it is a reminder that the best people in almost any field are almost always the people who get the most criticism.” The bigger your impact, explains Ferriss (whose book is a New York Times, WSJ and BusinessWeek bestseller), and the larger the ambition and scale of your project, the more negativity you’ll encounter. Ferriss jokes he has haters “in about 35 languages.”

5. “If you want to improve, be content to be thought foolish and stupid.” (Epictetus)
“Another way to phrase this is through a more recent quote from Elbert Hubbard,” Ferriss says. “‘To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing.” Ferriss, who holds a Guinness World Record for the most consecutive tango spins, says he has learned to enjoy criticism over the years. Ferriss, using Roman philosophy to expand on his point, says: “Cato, who Seneca believed to be the perfect stoic, practiced this by wearing darker robes than was customary and by wearing no tunic. He expected to be ridiculed and he was, he did this to train himself to only be ashamed of those things that are truly worth being ashamed of. To do anything remotely interesting you need to train yourself to be effective at dealing with, responding to, even enjoying criticism… In fact, I would take the quote a step further and encourage people to actively pursue being thought foolish and stupid.”

6. “Living well is the best revenge.” (George Herbert)
“The best way to counter-attack a hater is to make it blatantly obvious that their attack has had no impact on you,” Ferriss advises. “That, and [show] how much fun you’re having!” Ferriss goes on to say that the best revenge is letting haters continue to live with their own resentment and anger, which most of the time has nothing to do with you in particular. “If a vessel contains acid and you pour some on an object, it’s still the vessel that sustains the most damage,” Ferriss says. “Don’t get angry, don’t get even — focus on living well and that will eat at them more than anything you can do.”

7. Keep calm and carry on.
The slogan “Keep Calm and Carry On” was originally produced by the British government during the Second World War as a propaganda message to comfort people in the face of Nazi invasion. Ferriss takes the message and applies it to today’s world. “Focus on impact, not approval. If you believe you can change the world, which I hope you do, do what you believe is right and expect resistance and expect attackers,” Ferriss concludes. “Keep calm and carry on!”



Do you agree with Tim's points? I have to say, I agreed with all of this prior, but I never knew how strongly I agreed with it, even after the anon fiasco earlier this week. This paints an entirely new picture and I hope you're just as inspired by his words as I was! You all made such wonderful points in the "Haters Gon' Hate" post and I think you were all right on target with Tim!

xoxo


PS; If you're visiting from Rebecca's blog, The Clothes Horse, welcome and please say hello! Feel free to introduce yourself or enter the giveaway! Or if you're feeling frisky, shoot me an email at kaelahbee@gmail.com! Thanks for stopping by!

Friday, 14 May 2010

FormStack Questions

It's been a hot minute since I've done an actual FormSpring (which is NOW FormStack?) post on KaelahBee.com, since about 6 months ago they came out with the snazzy FormSpring.Me accounts. However I did the anonymous survey and so many of your replied, thank you! Most of you buzzed over to my FormSpring.Me account to ask questions but I did still get a few on the surveys, so I'm going to answer them here! CLICK HERE if you want to take the anonymous survey, or CLICK HERE if you'd like to see my FormSpring.Me page :)

Onward to the questions and answers!

1. I want to major in fashion merch. but I'm not positive where I'll be living at (my fiance is in the Marine Corps), and let's face it...certain states do not suit the life of a fashion merch major. Should I do it anyways, or should I try to pick another major?
That is the truth! Dependent on what part of Fashion Merchandising you're looking to get into, there are opportunities in the most hum-drum of states! Working for a large retailer like Macy's or Dillard's may not seem like the dream life to some people, but hey, it's a job and someone's gotta do it! As someone who started their college career as a Fashion Merchandising (and Design) major, the first thing I stress is make sure this is what you REALLY want to do with your life! It only took me 12 months of education to hate it so much I switched (to graphic design, which I love!) I'm not sure what sort of towns they assign marines to, but have you thought about working your way up to your own online store? You could stock things and be a fashion buyer, and sell them online, regardless of your location! But in the same regard, be aware of the economy. I thought I was fine getting into a creative degree in 2006, but 2010 shows a much dimmer light at the end of the tunnel, ya know? It's nothing that can't be overcome though! Just exhaust all opportunities and options! At the end of the day, you need to do what makes YOU happy. :)

2. Do you have any blogging tips? I'm just starting a new blog over at creativebiostar.blogspot.com and I'm really excited for this project. You're really experienced and have ran your blog for some time now! Infact your dedication is a big inspiration.
Well thank ya! As far as tips go for starting out... I found it really really helpful to make myself a "blogging schedule" that I tried to stick to, just to get me in the habit of updating every day and giving my readers something to expect and to check back for (for instance, if someone loved tattoos, they knew to check back on Tuesdays for my Tattoo Tuesday posts!). Also, only blog about things that REALLY matter to you! I see bloggers make this mistake all the time (I've done it too!). Blogging about things simply for the sake of blogging or writing about something that doesn't truly interest you just to get a new style or reader. Your audience will be able to tell if you're being sincere or fake. Just keep your readers and your blog's reputation in the forefront of your mind. Good luck! :D

3. How are things going in the housing situation since the flood? I live in southeast Texas and have been hit by many hurricanes so I know the stress the brings.
They're okay. It's rough living with my parents after being gone out on my own for 4 years. They let us come and go as we please, so it's not like they're imposing strict rules on us. It's just the sharing of the house and all three dogs running around and the fact we're in a town with the smallest WalMart in the country! We miss being able to go out on our date nights and being 2 minutes from a movie theater and wonderful food. It's humbling though. It's probably what we needed. My parents have been so gracious to open their home to us and we couldn't be more grateful. It's helping us save money, so that's good! :) I have a feeling when we move back to Franklin into our own place in August, we're going to really see the toll it took on our belongings when we don't have anything in our place :P But I still consider us so so lucky and I've met so many wonderful strangers who have became friends because of it.

4. What is your biggest beauty secret?
This is a tough one... but in reality, Extra Virgin Olive Oil! I have really dry skin and even the best moisturizers don't help. I dab it on my face with a cotton ball every once in a while (once is sufficient for like 2 weeks) and I also use it on my hair when it feels dried out from dying it so much. A little goes such a long way and I think it's a wonderful wonderful home-remedy for a lot of beauty bummers! Give it a try!

5. The only thing I'd want to ask is can we be penpals? And I'm trying to start up my own blog but I'm having trouble getting the hang of it, tips?
Part one: Absolutely! I love having new penpals and I've been so good at responding quickly since I have nothing to do during the day! Just send away! (I'll be receiving mail here for the next 3 weeks. Anything received here after that will be forwarded to me by Mike, but I will post my NYC address once I arrive!)

Kaelah Bee
649 Thomas Avenue
Hohenwald, TN 38462
USA

and Part two! I just answered it up above! Hope that helps!

6. What kind of dye do you use? I love your hair colour.
Thanks! I use L'Oreal Excellence "For Dark Hair Only" line in Red Fire with 30 or 40 volume developer! You buy them separately at Sally Beauty Supply. :)

7. I know you've explained several times on how you stay positive but how did you make the initial change? I've tried multiple times to think positive things but I always fall back into my pessimistic ways.
This is a tough one to answer. I didn't really have a specific *iconic* moment that shifted my attitude or anything like that, but I think riding the negative people from my life helped SIGNIFICANTLY! I dumped Adam and I think that was what really pushed me in the new direction. I took notice that I deserved better from people and I wasn't giving up, but I wasn't dealing with their crap anymore. I stopped talking to certain "friends" and I just stopped focusing on the negative things in life. If someone cut me off in traffic, I chalked it up to maybe they're rushing to the hospital for someone or something. I tried to give people the benefit of the doubt; Even the ones who didn't deserve it. What good is it going to do me in the long-run to get ticked off because someone cut me off on the highway? I just write things off. So what if someone doesn't like me? Chances are likely that they don't really like ANYONE so I shouldn't feel too special... but I probably wouldn't like them either. Another thing to write off. It's a constant battle. Sometimes I let out a snide remark or something and I'll instantly regret it. So I retract it and try to act better. We all slip up... the point isn't to be perfect or overly bubbly all of the time. The point is to make a conscious effort to live a more positive lifestyle. Not only for you, but for people around you. :)

8. Do you and Mike want to get married?
Eventually, absolutely! I can picture every single little detail of our southern wedding. However, we're not going to rush into anything because in light of recent events, we're not exactly in the most ideal financial situation. :) All in due time! It's definitely something I don't want to rush or cheapen. I can't wait to throw a wonderful party for a wonderful reason with all of my wonderful family and friends! :D

9. Have you ever dyed your hair an unnatural color, like pink or something?
I have not. The most unnatural color I've ever had is what my hair is currently. But I assure you, that is not for lack of desire. I've always wanted to do a soft soft cotton candy pink but the simple truth is that my natural hair color is much much muchhhh too dark (it's almost black) and I refuse to put bleach on my hair. So red it shall stay, until/unless I decide dark dark brunette it is once more :)

10. What is a way(s) to let someone go to whom you call a first love? I don't have any friends, very little family and currently not employed so it's very difficult to keep my mind off of guilt, and the endless heartache. If this question isn't answered, it's not a problem it's just nice to get this off my chest. I understand the saying "you never forget your first love" and I don't want to forget, even if getting over my first love isn't an option, just so it seems a little easier.
I don't think you should ever "just forget". A first love is something so so so special to each individual and you associate so much to that one person. This will be the person you forever compare others to. No need to feel guilty. They always say "you grieve at the level you loved" and believe me, it's so true. If you truly loved him, it's going to take some time. Nothing about it is going to be easy, so don't expect it to be. But it's NOT impossible! So far from it! You don't have to have countless friends to get your mind off of him... what you need to do is acknowledge those feelings, and then move forward. Watch sappy movies and listen to sappy music if you need to (I know it may seem counterproductive... but in reality, it really really helped me.) But at the end of the day, you can't let one bad experience ruin it for you for the rest of your life (or ruin it for someone who could [and will] sweep you off of your feet!) Accept responsibility for your part of the relationship and vow to learn from any mistakes you made. (If you ever feel like talking, you can always email me!)

Okay, so that's that! If you want to submit your own question or take the survey, just CLICK HERE :) or, if you want to throw your advice or opinions to these curious ladies, have a go in the comment section! I'm just one girl, and my opinions are totally biased, so if you've got some goods to share whether its a sweet beauty tip or how to mend a broken heart, share with us!

xoxo

Sunday, 25 October 2009

question answered!

i just got this in my email from the formspring and since there was no way to reply personally, i figured i'd give it it's own little post on my blog... mainly because it's a really good question and maybe more of you can relate.

This was submitted via the formspring:
"I'll start this off by saying, I've been hesitant on asking you this or not. Not because I don't trust you opinion, but because I feel like it's a bit too personal to question via an internet blog, but after reading your post about you and your boyfriend Adam, I figured I'd give this a shot. Coincidentally, my ex's name is Adam as well. But, all in all we dated for 4 years, and just recently actually about 2 months ago "recently" we had to break up due to family/personal problems. Plus, a but load of other issues. Nontheless, the question i was inquiring, was how did you get over your Adam when you needed to? I've heard the whole " find something to occupy yourself with " deal. and Time Time Time, just give it time. I'm sorry this is so long, but I'm in desperate need to know how to get over him. I've been puttin one foot in front o!
f the other these past few months, but I always seem to have set backs around the corners. Sorry if this took too much of your time. I just figured you could relate. Thanks in advance, :)"
alllrighty then! well! this will probably be long-winded so i dont blame some of you for not reading it. hopefully i can touch base with the person who asked the question and maybe the rest of you can leave advice/suggestions in the comments for her! i think this is a great way to open up discussion with more than just myself :)

first things first... i'm sorry that you're going through this. it's never fun and it's never easy, and it sucks when you've spent that significant amount of time with someone. i'll never claim to give good advice, but i will say i can give you my experiences and what i would (emphasis on WOULD seeing as i typically do the opposite of what i SHOULD hehe) do in the situation. my adam and i dated for 2 full years before we went separate ways. they were 2 of the most influential years of both of our lives basically. we lived together for over a year so that definitely sped up the relationship. after 24 months it seemed as though we had been together 5 years. we didnt split because of family problems so i can't relate there, but there were a ton of personal problems that just eventually drove us apart. for exactly one month after we "broke up" we stayed together. after that 1 month i walked away completely. we'd go days/weeks without speaking/seeing each other (the longest was 6 weeks. no communication whatsoever.) through all the trials and tribulations of trying to get over my "first love" i came to this conclusion: if i really wanted to get over him, i'd have to cut him out of my life completely. thats not to say i actually ever wanted to do that... the problem for me was right there... i never wanted to actually get over him. sure, he pissed me off and hurt me to certain extents where i swore i hated his guts, but i never really TRULY did, ya know? i dated several guys over the course of the 11 months we were technically broken up, but i still compared every single one of them to him. i could go on and on and on about this but its really as simple as just try and get him out of your daily routine/mind for a while. its hard and you'll catch yourself watching the phone, possibly lurking via the web (PLEASE DONT DO THIS! THIS IS BAD!), etc etc... but if you just delete him from everything, make everything private and try to avoid crossing paths, it'll get easier and easier each day. every single day for the 6 weeks, i thought of adam. a lot. i cried, a lot. but i needed to. you need to let yourself feel those feelings ya know? don't ignore them. don't just brush them off. acknowledge them and move past them. when you sweep it under the rug you'll just end up with a pile of shit when it comes down to doing the cleaning. then who knows, maybe after just a littttle bit of time you'll be able to be cordial, friendly, and maybe see where things go from there.

it sucks to say it but the truth is this: you've got to get rid of him. theres a lot of life left in you, babygirl. there's a whole world to see. as cheesy as it is to say, i found reading a lot of quotes and listening to a lot of ridiculous (and sometimes sappy) music to help me. thats just how i operate though. reading and listening to somethign that someone else might think is sad can actually help put me in a better mood (simply because its nice not to feel alone. and when i read/listen to those things, i realize that other people out there are fighting the daily battles with me.) so ill post a few quotes and stuff like that that i've come across just to put them out there :) im sure several of them will be repeats but some things are good to hear more than once <3

xo

if you want to talk about it some more or anything, feel free to email me (kaelahbee@gmail.com). you can make a fake email if you'd prefer to stay anonymous. but i'm all ears [or... eyes, i guess i should say :P] hang in there lady <3 you're not alone.

You think your pain and your heartbreak are unprecedented in the history of the world, but then you read. It was books that taught me that the things that tormented me most were the very things that connected me with all the people who were alive, or who had ever been alive.
— James Baldwin