Honest To Blog -- Clocking Out

This week's Honest To Blog is probably going to do nothing but make me sound a bit neurotic to be quite frank. I tend to have a handful of HTB topics lined up (or even written) but this one is something that sort of reared it's head this week and I felt compelled to talk about it (in hopes that I can fix it!). Being that i'm about 90% self-employed (lacking the 5-10 hours a week I bartend), I've found that I simply can't stop working. I don't know how to just "hang out" at home. I can't lay on the couch and watch tv or go get coffee with Mike without constantly feeling the need to work. I chock it up to the instability of freelance work and self employment. I think it terrifies me that I'm not relying on a set paycheck or salary every single week. My bank account is simply what I make it. Lately I've found myself diving into fifteen projects at once just to make sure we're comfortable and we can save for our wedding and store. Even at the City and Colour show last week I was answering emails on my phone! It's a habit that I just can't quit.

(via ♥)

I guess working too much is slightly better than feeling too lazy to work at all, right? At this exact moment I'm working on fulfilling ebook orders, Kaelah's Closet orders, getting ready to launch Honeybean's online shoppe (tonight!), 2 website designs, 3 blog redesigns (with a 4th just being finished!), and my own personal projects and blogging. But I love that feeling. I love being busy. I love the feeling of crossing things off of my to do list and marking another project done. It's almost like it's an addiction.

After a few nights of 15 hour days on the ebook, Mike started to notice that I really just couldn't stop. It was 11pm and I was still on the computer, typing away, responding to emails while a document loaded or saved. At one point he came and physically removed me from my computer and sat me down on the couch. The other day he took me for a an hour and a half coffee date just so that I wouldn't come home and work on design projects.The good thing about our little date was that it ended up being one of the most inspiring talks we've ever had. I'm so grateful to have someone in my life that understands my incessant need to work or be doing something. But at the same time, I need to learn that it's okay to step away. It's okay to take a break or take a day off. (I actually started writing this for Sunday, November 20th, but then decided to take the day "off" to go with Mike to a photoshoot. So now I'm picking it back up!)

A lot of it too has to be the product of my computer/work station being smack in the middle of our house, and our house has no walls therefore I can see my computer from every single corner of our loft. It's almost as if it taunts me. "You could be kerning that text! You could be coding that layout! You could be answering your emails as soon as you receive them!" Plus, when your blog is so personally driven, it's hard not to think about it at all times when you're out doing things!

I'm not complaining in the slightest. I love my job. I love that "work" doesn't really feel like "work". I love the ability to make a living doing things I'm passionate about and being able to share it with all of y'all. I just wish I had a better "schedule". I even have to schedule in ukulele practice or an episode of Dexter. I'll work right up to it and most likely after. I know I need to find a balance, however, simply to avoid getting burnt out and abandoning everything at once. It's an exciting time in our household and we're taking great measures to ensure we get to share the Honeybean Dream with you. It just happens to be exhausting in the process (which makes for better sleep! :P) 

(source)

With that being said, I have to ask... How many of you work from home or have found yourself in a similar position? How do you delegate what will happen today vs. tomorrow, and how do you know when it's time to walk away for the evening? I've tried working "set hours" but I always find myself in front of the tv looking at my computer and thinking "I could just go answer 10 emails..." How do you decide to clock out for the day? If you've never experienced this before, maybe you still have an idea you could share? Let me hear it! I'm all ears! 

Now, I've got some designs to tend to! ;) Happy Sunday, honeybees!

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Honest To Blog is a weekly free-writing feature where I talk about things that are silly, frustrating, or whatever else. Sometimes they don't make sense, and sometimes they're controversial. But they're honest!

Honest To Blog -- Sunshine + Skittles

This week's Honest To Blog is one I think all bloggers have to face at one time or another. The feeling of needing to be overtly positive to gain attention/readers, and the feeling of dishonesty that might come with only sharing the good parts. Danielle wrote a really great post on this last week and I think she highlights the problem perfectly. Here are my thoughts:

I really started to get into writing this blog while/after I had broken things off with my boyfriend of three years. Times weren't exactly easy, but I saw this blog as a way to document to awesome things that came as a result of taking initiative in my life. I saw that breakup as a way to reinvent myself to be happier, healthier, and much more positive. I had found myself to be pessimistic in that relationship, and that was just one reason it was an unhealthy one. So that was that, I had a blog! I had a blog where I was going to share all the awesome things life had to offer. Everything was positive, and I rarely had a rant or "Debbie Downer" post anywhere. I was undeniably inspired by other positive-powered blogs and I wanted that happiness that they seemed to have. They had it all going for them. A great readership, their blogs paying the bills, and what seemed to be an overall magical life. I wanted that too!

My blog was a happy place. It still is, I think! I aimed to speak to other girls just like me. Letting them know they could have a perfectly manicured life, too. But after a while I started feeling like there were some holes that needed to be filled. Do I consider myself a positive person? Absolutely. Do I consider my blog to be a positive place? I really do. Does positive necessarily have to be void of some of life's "trickier" moments? Yes... wait... no? I think I'm slowly but surely learning that it doesn't.

To be, being positive means finding the bright side of any situation. Even if that means a really, really bad situation. Having these Honest To Blog posts has helped me balance the need to be "real" and upfront with all of y'all, but still find the light at the end of the tunnel. Sometimes knowing that you're not the only one who thinks these things or doesn't have a "perfect" life, well, that's reassuring. 

I don't read those blogs as often as I did. I'm not sure why. I like a well-maintained life as much as the next person but I don't want to find myself constantly wondering "What is her real deal?" When we're presented with a totally trimmed blog that only shares the good things, we're left to decide what we believe: 1) They have the most amazing life ever. Nothing ever goes wrong for them. They don't have financial issues, they don't argue with their significant others, they don't ever stress out, and they don't ever cry. Or 2) They're so crazy they have to leave all of that out. Disclaimer: I don't think people are actually crazy for leaving out the bad stuff... I don't blame them. My point here is that as a reader of these blogs, it often leaves us feeling inadequate in that department. Like our life isn't "magical" enough to be that perfect.

Blogs are edited content. Partially fact, partially fiction. Fact in the sense that this is what really happens in our lives, but fiction in regard to the fact this isn't all that happens. I get emails asking all the time "You and Mike are so perfect. You never seem to fight. What is the secret?" The Secret?! The secret is not blogging every time we don't agree on dinner or plans. I feel like when things get blogged, they undoubtedly get magnified. If I were to blog that we had a disagreement, someone out there would take that and spin it to make it sound like we were destined for failure. If you don't blog them, people exaggerate it and assume that you're just the epitome of perfection. There's a line and you have to decide where you stand as a blogger. 

I'm a life and style blogger. I blog about my life, and I blog about my style. It's fun, but that's not all I do. I've had anons take jabs at me saying "Why don't you get a real job? When you say you're working you're obviously just blogging." Actually no. Far from. At the end of the day it's my freelance design work that pays the bills (along with Mike's job). I don't often blog about a lot of my design work because it's not really all that relevant to LCH. I know that by not sharing this aspect of my life, I'm undoubtedly going to become the target of "You don't have a real job!" comments. Ultimately that leads to more emails about being a full time blogger. (While I consider blogging a full time job, I'm not sustained by my blog 100%. Not even close! (I wish!)) I've gone off on a tangent but my point is this: You have to decide what is worthy to go online. Just because you don't read it on someone's blog doesn't mean it's not there. And just because you do read something doesn't necessarily mean you should take it at face value.

At the end of the day we are all curated journals. Blogs aren't a "tell all" piece of work, or an unbiased/unedited look into people's lives. I choose not to blog pictures of me with a big ol pimple on my face... that doesn't mean I never get them! We choose pictures of ourselves that are the most flattering, we don't post the ones where we have a double chin or wonky eye. I think as a blog writer we have the obligation to present ourselves in a way that isn't overly dramatized. That doesn't mean blog all of your troubles, it just means don't act like they don't happen. Even if you don't want to tell the world you have them, don't claim you don't. As blog readers we have the obligation to read blogs with a certain understanding that what they're putting out there is edited. It's never the full story (and if it is, someone needs to get that blogger a filter!). Blogging is not the Big Brother house. Not everything needs to be broadcasted. 

I love having a positive blog. I love being told that my blog, among others, brings happiness to some readers. My blog will continue to be a place of positivity, but that doesn't mean my life with get any less stressful. (Seriously, if you want to know how I am 99% of the time, peep my twitter. That's where I get all of my rants out! :P) Moral of the story: Don't let other blogs make you feel inadequate because your life isn't all sunshine and skittles. Don't feel "less than" because you don't look as flawless all the time or because you and your boyfriend argue over the date night movie. All bloggers have these issues, even if they're not showing them!

If you're a blogger, do you ever feel the pressure to present a perfectly curated blog? If you're just a reader, do you take a blog at face value or do you keep in mind other circumstances that may not make it to the cutting board?

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Honest To Blog is a weekly free-writing series on LCH where I share my thoughts, feelings and frustrations with all of my readers. 100% unedited, unbiased, and sometimes unpopular, you can often find a boatload of typos just by glancing at it. Click here to read the rest of the series!

PS; I have been asked by multiple people if they could use the Honest To Blog series on their blog and I say go for it! Please just give an attribution link to me or my series, and be sure to leave a link for me to  check out in the comments! I'd love to read what you have to say!

PPS; I've been asked to write a post on how I stay positive so I'll try to get to that this next week!

Honest To Blog -- Life Partner

So far in my Honest To Blog series I've delved into the world of personal obstacles, blogging blunders, and maybe a semi-rant or two, but they've all had a sort of "Debbie Downer" feeling about them. Maybe it's because I use this series as a platform to talk about the things most of us don't want to bring up in every day life... It's so easy to talk about how the world is so magical and filled with rainbows and positivity. (Believe me, I totally like living in that world, too, but you've gotta balance it with reality or you're sure to float clear off into outer space.) Anyway, I had an HTB topic all ready to go, but then I realized I didn't want to spend this Sunday looking for reassurance from others. Instead, I wanted to write about something happy... something that fills my days with absolute sunshine.

That, my sweet Honeybees, is my wonderful fiance, Mike. I had thought of writing this for our anniversary next month, but I didn't want to use a special day as the excuse to write something nice about him. Any ol day is the perfect day to tell someone you love that your life wouldn't be the same without them!

Our story probably isn't too different from most, but we do have a fairly interesting work situation when it comes to how we operate together. Both Mike and I aspire to be 100% self-employed. We take great pride in our crafts and skills, and we hope to fully support ourselves through our creative work. He's a professional lifestyle photographer and he's a giant hand in our Honeybean Dream. But did you know that he's also an absolute vital part of Little Chief Honeybee? Yeah, you know he takes my outfit photos and whatnot... I know many non-style bloggers typically side-eye at the "dude" in the relationship playing photog for their ladies while prancing around in dresses and whatnot but he takes them because he truly enjoys it. That's not to say we don't have the occasional disagreement about location or composition or lighting, but we're a team. His influence doesn't stop there, though. He regularly crafts and photographs my DIY posts when I'm busy with other work. He helps me dream up post ideas, refine them and make them better. He's been a wonderful help with my e-book, shooting and listing pieces for Kaelah's Closet, and oh my stars, my Etsy! I managed to teach Mike how to make many of the items I sold in my Etsy and he'd sit for hours, crafting away with me. We'd watch NCIS or chit chat while we worked. Whenever I made a sale he'd go check inventory, pull it out and package it all up for me. He'd even take it to the post office. It's kind of like having the world's best assistant. Please don't think I take advantage of his willingness to help me though! He always assures me that he's just as personally invested in the Kaelah Bee-ness as I am. 

He may not get the recognition for it that I do, but absolutely none of this would be possible without his unwavering support and help. It's kind of wonderful knowing I'm never in this alone.

I always try to return the favor when I can. I've regularly assisted him on photoshoots... Holding the reflector here or there, carting his umbrellas or softboxes. At the end of the day all that matters to us is that we're doing what we love, and we're lucky enough to get to do it together. We want to rely on no one but ourselves when it comes to finances. We have to believe our work is good enough to pay our bills. It can be hard, but having a constant source of reassurance is priceless.

We had a talk last night before heading to work, about where we wanted to see ourselves and what exactly we wanted to be doing. There were no "exacts" such as physical locations, but our conversation was one of the most inspiring things we've ever shared. We've had these dreams for so long, and now it's time to see those big dreams into even bigger realities. We're going to be each other's support system along the way. We're going to face obstacles, we're going to disagree, and we're going to question ourselves at some point or another... the important thing is that we just keep moving forward. Everything we do in life is a partnership... so he's just that... my professional/work and life partner. Always.

So this is a big THANK YOU to Mike... for always being my #1 fan. 

Oh, did I mention we have a wedding date finally?! And I've picked out my dress! It's a good day, folks!

Now go hug someone special in your life. If you're not close in distance then call them up and tell them they're one of a kind. Tell them exactly why they make your life better. This can be a relative, best friend, your favorite blogger or even the barista that makes your coffee each morning. There are plenty of people out there that make our lives easier and/or better, and we don't need to wait for an excuse to come around to say so! 

Who helps motivate you to be a better person? To succeed? Who do you want to share appreciation for?

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Honest To Blog is a weekly free-writing feature here on LCH where I share thoughts, frustrations, and simply things I haven't blogged elsewhere. Sometimes it's happy, sometimes it's a little more bittersweet. The important part of the feature is simply that it's honest. My opinion may not be the most popular every now and again, but it's mine. Feel free to shares yours, too! You can read the rest of this series by clicking here!

Honest To Blog -- Ulterior Motives

I'm going to preface this week's Honest to Blog with this: This is is no way meant to hurt anyone's feelings, call anyone out, or point the finger/play the blame game. Instead I'm going to touch base on a topic much like my original post that spawned this weekly feature simply to share my newfound point of view.

I love meeting people through blogging. I'm so awkward and shy in person that it makes it hard for me to branch out and meet people. Plus I'm always working on something. I have a group of friends I wouldn't trade for the world, but I'm very cautious as to who I decide to associate with. I'm not sure what pushed me in that direction, but I don't like to just hang out with any ol' person. Blogging has given me an outlet to meet so many like-minded people all while I still manage to be productive. 4 out of 6 of my bridesmaids were met online/through blogging in some way. But I've started to become very particular with who I befriend and associate with online, just like in person. I've recently started paying much more attention to the way people conduct themselves and how they choose to go about communicating online. I've come to notice that so many people in the blogging world whose blogs I've read for months/years are simply part of a giant circle-jerk crowd. I don't want to be friends with someone because it may earn me more pageviews. I don't want to say yes to a guest posting invitation because I think I might get a handful of new followers. I won't lie, at one point that was probably a thought that fueled some of my actions, but being where I stand now I realize that that really isn't what it's about. I'm starting to resent the air of "strategy" that so many bloggers have.

Confession: A few months ago (as recent as a few weeks even!) I was ready to cut the cord to this blog and walk away. It started to not be fun for me. I started to recognize people for their ulterior motives and I even fell victim to blogging drama and catty girl hate. I've talked about the passive aggressive digs and all the messy stuff that comes with. This is blogging. It's honestly not too removed from high school. There are stuck up people, people who want to ride the coattails of others, manipulative people and ones who just want to undermine you for their own benefit. Blogging isn't the rainbow filled bubble we (I, especially) want to think it is. I get so much motivation, support, and inspiration from girls in the blogging world, but that really is just one side of it.

I never want blogging to seem like a popularity contest, but more often than not that's exactly what it is. People will judge how good your blog is based on how many followers you have or giveaways you offer. But blogging has become immensely more enjoyable for me since I stopped reading bloggers I would constantly side-eye and started reading the blogs of my followers. I absolutely love when y'all leave a link to your blog along with your comments! A simple URL works just fine, as ones who leave 3 or 4 lines of self promotion and "OMG come check out my giveaway" get marked as spam. (Again, in it for yourself. Genuine comments are a great way to become part of a close-knit community... just don't turn into That Blogger!). I'm the world's worst commenter but chances are highly likely that if you've left your URL in my comments then I've visited your blog. I follow mostly via Google Reader and I read almost, but not quite every post (sometimes it's overwhelming!), but I'm often at a loss for what to comment with. Anyway, I've noticed how much more inspired I feel when I read blogs that are genuine and void of any agenda. Climbing the circle jerk blog ladder isn't something to aspire to. I've read blogs who got 1+ million hits a month and I started to really look at how they responded to their readers (if at all!) via Twitter and other social media. If they gave absolutely no thought to it, I unfollowed. Even if/when I tweet at someone "higher up" in the blogging world and they are quick to dismiss me only to tweet constantly with their favorite bloggy BFF with "tons of followers", I get insulted. Wouldn't you?! I understand some people get an overwhelming amount of messages and @replies, so if it's a generic "aw!" or "that's so cute/great/awesome/funny!" tweet, I let it slide. But when I/others share sincere comments, it's a harder pill to swallow. I'm not always the best or quickest to respond to everything, but if you tweet at me with a genuine question, concern, comment or just to say hello, I respond back. I respond to every single email I receive too... even if it takes me a week. I'm not a blogging saint, so please don't think I'm trying to say that! But I finally recognize how rude and dismissive some bloggers are... for no reason. If they didn't have readers, they wouldn't be in the position they are now. They wouldn't have sponsorships, partner deals and the opportunities they do (I wouldn't either!). I value my readers so very very much. Even when you speak up and have concerns or constructive criticisms. Sure, the criticisms aren't always the easiest to digest but I try to look at them from a different perspective. Some are helpful and some are just mean. But that doesn't mean they're all malicious.

I know some of you still side-eye me when I say or do things you might think are totally hypocritical or stupid... it's human nature. I do it, too. I very often say/do things that aren't in line with my thoughts/beliefs without realizing. But I hope that each and every one of you read my blog because it inspires you or brings some sort of happiness into your daily lives. Not because I have thousands of followers you could potentially make yours, or in hopes that I link to you randomly. The friendships and relationships I've built from blogging have been some of the absolute best in my life. I don't want people to feel like they have to be sponsors of my blog in order to get mentioned.

I honestly stand behind this next thing that I'm going to say: If my blog doesn't inspire you, bring you genuine happiness or motivate you in any way to be better, feel free to unfollow! If you don't feel like I connect with my readers or give back in a way similar to what y'all give to me, don't feel obligated to read! I mean that with the utmost sincerity, no sarcasm or attitude involved. Explore the blogging world for all it has to offer. Find blogs that really do speak to you, but make sure the blog author is genuine and real. I'm not saying be skeptical of everyone you meet, but be smart. Make sure they're presenting themselves in an honest light. I'm so very far from perfect (and this little blog has all the proof of that!) but I'm willing to acknowledge and learn from my mistakes in hopes that it'll make me a better person. 

If you strive to grow your blog or audience, just make sure you stay true to yourself and look at everything from a grounded perspective. Don't let the hullabaloo of being a "big time blogger" be your driving force. Do it for the people you'll meet, the experiences you'll have, and the stories you have to share!

And while I'm on the topic of awesome audience blogs, leave a link to yours below! I want to get to know you if I haven't already! I'm constantly amazed at how many amazing blogs are out there in my general social circle that I've yet to stumble across! When I find one it's like a big "Ah ha!" moment and I wonder how I had missed it all this time! Please don't ever hesitate to introduce yourselves and send your links! You can always email me, too! (kaelahbee at gmail dot com)

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Honest To Blog is a weekly free-writing feature where I share whatever is on my mind. No edits, no filters. Just unapologetic, sometimes offensive, always truthful thought. Click HERE to read all of the past posts in this feature.

This feature has been a saving grace for me and my little blog. I love that you allow me to share my out-there opinions with you even if they're far from popular. It's a wonderful feeling to make LCH a more personal platform.

Honest To Blog -- 23 going on 40

This week's free write is in the same vein as last week's. I mentioned last week that I often thought of myself as "23 going on 40" and that's no exaggeration. The realization can be both good and bad, and that's what I'm going to talk about today. 

(♥)

I'm a 23 year old college grad with no intention (or desire) to ever work a 9 to 5. Okay, so obviously if push came to shove and I needed to work a set 40 hour a week schedule, I would. I'll do anything I need to to make sure I fulfill my dreams, but that's not the point. My entire college experience was overrun with projects, deadlines, and paper cuts. O'More left absolutely no time to "party" or have a typical college experience. For this I am grateful. What I mean by that is... I've never been much of a "partier" and while I am not sad in the slightest to have missed that, that's not to say I wouldn't have fallen victim to it like a few of my friends did. A few dropped out, a few managed to squeak through. But O'More didn't really let you do that. It was make or break. I spent 4 years obsessing over projects and deadlines that I didn't have time to socialize. But I never felt like I was missing out.

Fast forward a year or two and I still feel the same way. I don't go out to bars because I work at one. On the rare occasion we're visiting friends out of state we'll go out, but aside from shows here and there, I still don't get out much. Not that I'm a cat lady shacked up with my mister and nothing better to do. But I prefer to work. While I have no intention of having a corporate 9 to 5 job, I easily work 80+ hours a week. Whether it's on Honeybean, bartending, or design work... I'm constantly working. I'm constantly checking and responding to emails. There's even blog stuff to do. All of these things pay my bills, and I love every single one of them (This is where I feel really really lucky). I'd rather work my fingers to the bone than to go out and do typical "college/early 20s" things. Maybe I'm just shy. Or anti-social. Or both. Either way, I enjoy working more than I do socializing. This can be a good thing (to a certain degree).

There's not a single day that goes by that I don't almost-obsess over the future. Where are we going to move? Where are we going to open our brick and mortar? What about the schools in that town? Will our kids have a good future there? How far away is it from family/friends? It's ridiculous. This is where the "not so good" part comes in. 90% of the things I think about are totally irrelevant at the time anyway! This is also where that "worry/stress" tendency I have comes into play. I've realized that over the past few years that I've been so focused on the future that I've totally missed out on a lot of the present. Rather than explore Nashville for all it has to offer, I spend an embarrassing amount of time checking PadMapper and Google Earth for acceptable neighborhoods/towns to move to. Instead of enjoying Honeybean for the amazing blessing it has been, I'm obsessively searching for the next place to set up. It can get overwhelming.

I'm always trying to find the balance of never being too satisfied/content, and never taking the present moment for granted. It's so easy to do. It's so easy to completely overlook the fact that I'm blessed with so many amazing people and opportunities when I'm always looking for something else to do.

Maybe it's a good stance to have when it comes to business, but I want to make sure my business doesn't overrun my personal life. I consider a large portion of my "personal" life to be both that and business, but finding that equilibrium can be hard/daunting. Working from home on freelance design makes it difficult to separate my home/work life (and by difficult I mean impossible). Then I go to a bar to work on the weekends where most people go to socialize (and I get to do that, too, so that line stays blurred there also). 

While I'm only 23 (and we do not plan on having children any time soon!), I constantly daydream about finally being a mom. I know that will be an absolute game changer for us and our businesses, but it's something I think about constantly. (Secret time: I totally have a little stash of baby girl dresses that I've collected over the years. Vintage and handmade. Mike rolls his eyes and tells me no each time but I can't pass them up! Another secret: This scares me into thinking karma will never let me have a girl! haha See! These are the things my brain thinks of!) I think about our future house, our yard, our mailbox (!!!) and flowerbed. I daydream about our shop and how we'll decorate. I think about how our children will (hopefully) grow up in our shop and work there and maybe one day we'll pass it on. I get so wrapped up in what's to come that I forget to stop and enjoy it now.

I'm terrified that I'm going to wake up one morning, really be 40, and feel like my early 20s were a blur. This is such an exciting time in our lives! Opening our businesses, establishing ourselves, exploring, getting married... it's so great. But I always catch myself saying "I can't wait until..." I need to learn to think in the present. 

While I think it's important to always strive for more and to never become too satisfied, I'm trying to avoid the incessant urge to say "more more more!" I want to grow as a business owner, a person, a soon-to-be-wife, daughter/in-law, etc. But I don't want my need to be "better" than I was yesterday to overshadow my relationships with people. 

So I have to ask... how do you handle the balance? Where do you find that equilibrium in your life? Are you a business owner with a personal life to manage? Give me your secrets! I need them! ;)

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

My Honest-To-Blog series is a weekly feature on LCH where I free-write about personal thoughts and situations. They're completely open, honest, and never edited. What you read is how I think... and sometimes it's a real big jumbled mess! You can read the rest of the series so far by clicking HERE!

Honest To Blog -- Home Sweet Home

So this week's Honest To Blog isn't so much a frustration or gripe, but more of a self-realization and kind of a "Where do I go from here?" post. I grew up in a small town, and I lived there for the entire first 18 years of my life. It had all of your typical "small town" drama and features... a tiny Wal-Mart, a local grocery store, lots of camouflage, and everyone knew everyone's business. My mom was born and raised there, she still lives there today. She does the whole small town thing better than I do. I'm not sure what brought it on or where on Earth the hankerin' to move came from, but it's a fever I can't break. I first moved out less than two months after high school graduation. I moved a whole hour and fifteen minutes north to Franklin, where I'd be starting college shortly thereafter. Here I was, eighteen, not a clue as to what I was doing. I had never moved (I lived in the same house from 2 until 18), I had never lived on my own, and I was an only child. I lived in a little townhouse with two upperclassmen from my college for a year. Immediately following my first year of college I moved into a house owned by my Dad for a few months, but it was too far from school so I promptly made plans to move back to Franklin. This time I moved into a large apartment with my boyfriend and his best friend. During this time I pranced off to Europe for a few weeks and traveled 11 countries, taking everything in. I lived in that apartment for just over a year and then I decided to live with one of my friends and a gal we met on Craigslist (haha yes, really). That was an interesting year... I learned a lot and finally broke things off with my long term boyfriend. I decided to follow my heart and apply for an internship at BUST magazine a year before I was supposed to. To my excitement I was formally offered the spot and for the next couple of months I racked my brain for the courage to move 1,000 miles away from everything I had ever known... to a city I had only stepped foot in once (and that was only Times Square! Seriously). The time came and my mom dropped me off at the airport, bawling like a baby (her, not me :P), and I promised her I'd be home soon. The entire flight was a blur and two hours later I was landing in my new city. New York. I'm this no-name girl from a small-hole-in-the-wall town in Tennessee... but now I'm living and working in New York City. Whoa. The following months were some of the most exhilarating and terrifying of my life. Walking to my dream job, in the dream city, and having all of these experiences that I knew I'd never forget.

I finally returned home to Tennessee only to pack my bags left at the apartment I shared with my friend (and the Craigslist girl). The sad truth is that we were friends no longer (Seriously, don't live with your friends. Just don't.). I found a new home in downtown Franklin via Craigslist (I love CL), and signed the lease right then and there (with my friend Jared, from school). We planned on having a third roommate and he came in the form of a freshman in our major at school. Here I was, living with 2 dudes. Then my best friend Brian came into the picture. KB, a big house, and three guys. I had lived with 2 guys prior (boyfriend and friend), but best friend and 2 classmates, all of way different styles/personalities, was a bit much. First friend moved out, girl classmate moved in. Blah Blah Blah.. live together... friend times... whatever. Mike moves in in December. Then the flood happened in May. It sucked, wasn't fun, okay. We had to pack up the few things that were salvageable and moved into my parents house for the time being. Three weeks later I was in a car moving back to NYC to work at BUST yet again. Dream job x2! Months pass, internship ends, I move back to Tennessee and get a new townhome with Mike. We only signed a 6 month lease because I had one semester of college left. We had every intention of moving away (away meaning out of state) a few months after so we moved back in with my parents to save money. Then we went on a trip to the town we wanted to live in only to be discouraged at our findings. Plan scrapped. After 2 months of living with my parents we decided to move to Nashville. Here we are. In an awesome (albeit sometimes annoying and barren) industrial loft, 6 and a half months in, itching to move somewhere else.

That's a lot of backstory right? For not moving a single time in eighteen years, I've moved more than I can recall in the past 5. But here's the thing... I love it. Maybe not the actual act of moving, but the exciting adventures that come with new places, new people, and just new surroundings. It could be something as small as moving from one apartment complex to another. It doesn't have to be a new city... just changing my surroundings helps me cope with my incessant need to move... to change. That's why whenever I get in a rut, I redecorate the house. Rearranging furniture is my saving grace! 

So that's my issue. I like to move too much. The potential problem with this is that I want a brick and mortar store... I want to go to work at the same place, day in and day out. I want to find a home with a yard for my girls and a small garden (to inevitably kill everything I plant) and I want to live there... get this... for years. That's the dream right? Ridiculous, I know. I know I don't need all of this tomorrow, but I want to work toward it and start building it. I don't want to wait until I'm 30. And I know I'm not the only person with the wanderlust heart. I can be somewhere for 4 months and I'm ready to go. Ready to move. But I think it's because I haven't found home yet. Mike and I considered Savannah, Charleston, Wilmington, and Chicago suburbs. It doesn't help that a large majority of my best friends live in different states. It's a great excuse to visit, but I wish I could see them daily as opposed to once or twice a year (or once every three years in some cases! Love you Jessica!). And the cycle continues... We've visited Chicago twice and we loved the area, but we've never dealt with cold weather, and we've never lived away from our families for extended periods of time. I know we can handle it, but then comes the issue of having kids. We obviously want our parents involved with our children in the future. But we have to make smart decisions based on where our business would flourish. This is obviously the most important to us right now because we plan on pursuing our business for many years prior to starting a family. 

It's almost as if I have a problem with commitment to these certain places. It doesn't scare me in the slightest to pack up and leave. But I'm so eager to really plant our roots somewhere and build our life, family and business. I'm scared to move somewhere, hate it, and feel defeated. Is Chicago good for us? Will it bring up the joy we want? Are we destined to live in middle Tennessee forever? Is that the right fit?

I have this insatiable need to just go. To experience cities, towns, people... things. I want something different, but I'm terrified at the same time. I realize this is a totally normal feeling, but how do you find the equilibrium? People make cross country moves every single day... I've done it myself. But anyone can move... Are we going to be able to pick a place and make it work? Are we going to enjoy our day to day lives and our surroundings? I'm over living in the urban cities. I'm not a fan. NYC was fun because I had no car, no dogs, no other responsibilities than taking myself to work and home. Nashville isn't for me. The city can be great, but it's sketchy and it doesn't give me the rural areas I desire. I love the suburbs (Ridiculous, I know... isn't that the opposite of most early 20 somethings?!) and I daydream of a cute small home, a yard, and a neighborhood I can teach my kids to ride their bikes in. I could write for four days about how I'm 23 going on 45 but I'll save that for another Sunday!

My feelings on this are nothing new. They're not unique and they're probably exaggerated, but I hope you get what I'm saying. I'm ready to move on, leave this chapter in Nashville, and seek adventure somewhere else. But I want to really invest everything I have into our business, and soon. How on earth do you manage to pick a new home and city based on just visiting?! Any and all suggestions are welcome!

As usual, my Honest To Blog posts are 100% free writing. No filter. No editing. No backspacing (except for fix the million typos!). Everything is straight from the brain and that's why it's so long and jumbled. Stick with me!

Have you ever made a major move? How did you decide where to go and when? What draws you to a certain city? What experiences do you have with wanderlust? xo

Honest To Blog -- Style Blogging

About a month and a half ago I wrote a blog post titled Getting Real... and in that post I shared some of my frustrations with blogging. So many of you left supportive comments, agreeing to the situations I pointed out, and maybe even recognizing some of that behavior in yourself (and  vowing to fix it!). The more I thought about your honest and interesting responses the more I wanted to open up on here. That's not to say all of my feelings and opinions will be popular, but they'll be mine. The Juno line "Honest To Blog" just felt too appropriate to pass up (and yes, I know how terribly annoying it is!) :P Each Sunday I'll be sharing something that's been on my mind. My first foray into Honesty: Style Blogging.

We all get dressed, right? Surely. So taking a few photos of what you're wearing that day really shouldn't be that hard. Or so you'd think. I'm not going to pretend it's rocket science (it's not), and I won't pretend that you really only have to shoot two or three images and they're all perfect (they never are*). I first really started documenting my outfits on LCH around February 2010 or so. I had spent many months snapping a picture of myself in my mirror-wall with my iPhone beforehand. A few shots here and there, Mike acted as my photographer. We were both unsure of how it would pan out. He enjoyed doing it and learning about cameras, and then his fascination with photography was born. It ended up being a good thing. We started making it a daily habit. We'd go out and find fun places to shoot and take all sorts of pictures (not just of me, and not of just my outfit!). I've noticed since moving to downtown Nashville that we don't really take many photos. We don't go on photo adventures and we don't really venture out like we did when we lived in Spring Hill. I think the urban surroundings really leave me feeling blah. Still, I've tried keeping up with outfit photos but I've just felt less than inspired. Again, I won't pretend like it's really all that hard to shoot a few photos (especially when you have someone taking the photos for you). Now a remote or timer for self-shots is totally different. I give props to all of the ladies who go this route (I went for iPhone in mirror!). But trying to schedule part of your day around loading up your stuff, going out, finding a place and shooting photos (often in public) can sometimes be more than you want to deal with. (And many people have real excuses like they have a full time job...I simply work from home/around Mike's schedule).

Another reason I'm feeling less than enthusiastic about my adventures in style blogging: I don't feel like I have anything new or interesting to offer**. I often feel as though style bloggers who are clad head to toe in designer gear aren't really relatable. I don't wear that stuff and most of you don't either. It's fun to look and daydream sometimes, but I read style blogs to get inspired about my own closet. Granted I wear almost solely fast fashion, with the occasional vintage piece thrown in, but it's nothing that a million other girls don't already own. That is both a good and bad (neutral?) thing. It's great that we might have the same items so we can get ideas from one another, but I'm pretty basic... a dress, a cardigan, tights and shoes. I don't get crazy with much of my clothing. Chances are highly likely each and every outfit will feature a dress, tights and cardigan... that's just my style. But is it even worth documenting? (Hypothetical question, don't worry! Not seeking praise here!)

I guess my boredom of it comes from my own insecurity of being unoriginal. Nothing is really "original" anymore, but my style is pretty much the same as a vast majority of young 20-something gals. Either I need to shake things up a bit or get over it (and let's be honest: why fix what isn't broken? I like the way I dress really.)

Then you've got the controversial "courtesy of" items style bloggers sometimes get. Not going to lie, it can be really fun to be "rewarded" for putting a lot of work into your blog, but it can also tarnish your credibility. I don't think there's anything wrong with getting c/o items, but I strive to make sure that each and every piece I acquire is completely my choice, my style, and something I would've bought with my own money. However I've recently started a new small business and all of my funds go to that (with the exception of some tattoo money that I save!). I honestly do not shop anymore (as I'm sure you can tell! Another reason outfit posts are lacking!). It's nice to be able to try new brands or items because it mixes things up on here, gives me a second wind, etc. But I never want my blog to become a giant "c/o c/o c/o" place. Businesses tend to benefit more from c/o items than bloggers, but if you can find the balance with a company you admire then I say go for it. I know a lot of people tend to start looking for new blogs to read when they start seeing "c/o" all over the place. How can you trust that that blogger is being legit? That they really actually like that piece and aren't being bought by a brand? I guess you really can't unless you know them well enough, but you have to put your faith in that person to make credible decisions. 

And last but not least, working from home. It's easy to get out of bed and head straight for my computer with a cup of coffee to knock out the day's to-do list. I can blog from the comfort of my entirely too dark loft and still be in my pj's when 3pm rolls around. Not a good idea. Getting dressed helps me be productive but when you're in a dark house with a tiny shower, getting all dolled up really isn't your top priority. I'm hoping I can find a better balance to dressing myself appropriately this Autumn and maybe forcing myself out of the house before 11am even if it's just to run to the post office. Every little bit helps right?! I'm not a style guru, expert, or know-it-all. I'm not a Fashionista and I'd never claim to be. I'm merely a girl who dresses herself daily (well, on most days). Sharing my outfits has helped my style evolve (even if just in the shoe department), so all of that credit goes to you fine folks!

Keep in mind this is all verbal diarrhea really. Just like the Getting Real post, I'm speaking straight from my thoughts, no filter. Please don't feel as though you have to console me or anything like that. I'm merely writing these things to get them off my chest. Outfit posts have been sporadic lately but I'm trying to get back into my groove and move past anything holding me back. You're all so wonderful and I hope  I can use my typically slow Sundays to spout all of this brain-feeling-goo all over your computer screens ;) Believe me, I've got opinions!***

All of you bloggers out there, do you ever feel limited in your outfit posts? Surely this frustration isn't limited to just me! Eep!

* When I say outfit shots are never immediately awesome, I'm speaking for myself. We've given in to maybe shooting 10 frames total and using 3-5 of them because sorting through 50 is just stupid. Sure, I might make a dumb face or show my double chin a little too much but whatever. I'm just glad I've never been someone to shoot 150+ frames! There have been days where it was heavily considered though... But if you're one of the lucky few who can take 4 pictures and have them all be perfect, well, I hate you. Kidding, kind of. ;)

** As far as nothing new or interesting to offer, I just feel very... typical. Not that typical/normal is a bad thing, but it's usually not what makes people read blogs. I don't want to fake it for pageviews. I've had some express their distaste for my predictable fashion in the past and that's totally fine, but I don't really feel the need to alter that to suit one or two people when this is really how I dress myself daily. Interesting or otherwise!

*** I promise I aspire to more than just outfit posts. They've taken a back seat for good/important reasons and my priorities have shifted. I'd really like to keep them on the blog because they can be a lot of fun, but they're not the end all/be all of LCH.